Question
Assalamu Alaikum. I am a Muslim teenager and there is a girl I have known for a long time. We both have serious intentions toward marriage and want to keep our relationship within the boundaries of Islam. Our families know each other and are close, and we would want both families and our guardians to be involved in any future nikkah. We are considering asking our parents about doing a nikkah when we are around 17–18, while continuing to live with our respective families and prioritizing our education. We are not planning to move in together immediately. I would like honest advice from an Islamic perspective: Is pursuing a nikkah at that age actually a good idea, considering our age, education, maturity, responsibilities, and circumstances? What conditions or responsibilities should we be able to fulfill before considering it? If you believe it could be a good idea under the right circumstances, what would be the best Islamic and respectful way for us to approach our parents? What are some reasonable points we could present to them to show that we are taking marriage seriously and not making an impulsive decision? And if our parents say no, what would you advise us to do? We want to do this in a way that pleases Allah and protects both families, our education, and our future. I would really appreciate an honest answer, even if your advice is that we should wait. JazakAllahu khayran.
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salamu alaykum wa-rahmatullahi wa-barakatuh.
Brother in Islam,
We commend your desire to keep matters within the boundaries of Islam and to involve both families. That instinct is the correct one.
In principle, there is no minimum age for marriage beyond maturity, and the Prophet, peace be upon him, encouraged young people who are able to marry to do so, because marriage protects the eyes and the chastity. At the same time, the ability he referred to includes the ability to bear its responsibilities. A nikah is not an engagement. Once it is contracted, you are husband and wife with all the rights and duties that follow, including her right to maintenance from you, even if you continue to live with your families and delay living together. The arrangement you describe, a nikah followed by a period of living apart until education is complete, is permissible. However, its success depends on two things, the full agreement of both families and a clear understanding of what is delayed and what is not.
Accordingly, before you raise the matter, ask yourselves honestly whether you can satisfy the following. That both of you have reached the maturity to make a lifelong commitment and not merely to formalize an attachment. That you have a realistic plan for how she will be maintained, even modestly, since that becomes your responsibility from the day of the contract. That the two families are willing to be partners in the arrangement, since a nikah between close families that later breaks down damages more than the couple.
As for approaching your parents, you may go to your own father, or to a respected elder in your family, and say that you have an interest in marrying this girl, that you know her family, and that you wish him to consider a proposal with an early nikah and a delayed wedding. Let her do the same on her side. The points you can offer are that you wish to protect yourselves from sin, that the families already know and trust each other, that you intend to complete your education and have a plan for it, that the wedding and living together will wait until you are established, and that you seek their guidance on the conditions.
If your parents say no, then respect their decision. They see things you do not yet see, and there is no blessing in a marriage begun by defying them. Ask them what would need to change for them to agree, work toward that, keep away from the girl in the meantime, and make supplication. If it is decreed for you, it will come to you at the right time, and if it is not, Allah will give you both something better.
Allah knows best
Mufti Mirza-Zain Baig
And Allah Ta'ālā knows best.
Answered by
Mufti Mirza-Zain Baig
B.Ed, CSAA
Montréal, Canada · Canadian Centre for Islamic Research and Ifta
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