Question
Assalamu Alaikum, I need guidance regarding whether my husband and I are still Islamically married. We have been married for seven years. During some arguments in the earlier years of our marriage, the word “talaq” was mentioned a few times. At that time, neither of us understood the seriousness of saying it. We also do not clearly remember the exact wording now — sometimes it may have been said as a threat, such as “I will give you talaq,” and sometimes the word may simply have been used during an argument. We never considered ourselves divorced after these incidents and continued our marriage normally. More recently, after ongoing misunderstandings, my husband asked me, “Should I give you divorce?” and I agreed. At that time, I also did not understand the rulings regarding one, two or three talaqs, or when divorce becomes final. My questions are: 1. Do the earlier incidents count as talaq if we do not remember the exact words or intention? 2. Does saying talaq casually, in anger, or as a threat always count? 3. Does my husband asking “Should I divorce you?” count as talaq if he did not clearly pronounce divorce? 4. Based on this situation, are we still permitted to stay together and reconcile? We have a three-year-old child and, if Islamically permissible, we would like to try to save our marriage. JazakAllahu Khairan for your guidance. Wa Alaikum Assalam
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salamu alaykum wa-rahmatullahi wa-barakatuh.
Sister in Islam,
Your query relates to two matters, the incidents of the earlier years and the recent exchange. We will take each in turn.
In principle, a marriage that is established with certainty is not dissolved by doubt. Talaq takes effect only when the husband actually pronounces it, either with explicit words such as "I divorce you" or "you are divorced," or with indirect words accompanied by the intention of divorce. A threat or a promise, such as "I will divorce you," is a statement about the future and is not a divorce. Merely mentioning the word in the course of an argument, without addressing it to the wife as a pronouncement, is likewise not a divorce.
Accordingly, regarding the earlier incidents, since neither of you remembers the exact words, and what you do recall is that the word was used as a threat or simply came up in argument, no talaq is established from those incidents. The certainty of your marriage stands, and a doubt of this kind is disregarded. You are not required to search your memory further or to assume the worst.
Regarding the second question, a talaq said in anger does count, as long as the husband knew what he was saying. Similarly, a talaq said casually or as a joke also countsé What does not count is a threat, a promise, or a question, and what also does not count is a pronouncement made in a state of rage so extreme that the person no longer knows what he is saying. Your husband should therefore understand that the word is not to be used lightly in future.
Regarding the third question, "Should I give you divorce?" is a question, not a pronouncement, and it needs to be looked at closely because it is often misunderstood. There is a form of words by which a husband hands the matter to his wife, such as "divorce yourself if you wish" or "the choice is yours," and if she then says "I choose divorce" in that sitting, a talaq takes effect, because he has delegated the pronouncement to her and she has exercised it. In the enquired scenario, uour husband's words were not of that kind. He did not give you a choice to divorce yourself. He asked whether he should do something in the future, namely, whether he should give you a divorce. That is a question about an act he would perform, not a delegation of the act to you. Your reply of agreement was therefore an affirmation that he should give it, not a pronouncement by you. What it required was that he then say the words of divorce, and he did not. A question followed by an answer, with no pronouncement by the husband, does not dissolve a marriage. Consequently, no talaq occurred in that exchange.
In the enquired situation, you remain husband and wife and you may continue to live together. We advise you both to make a firm resolution never to bring the word into your disagreements, to seek help from a trusted elder or counsellor for the ongoing misunderstandings, and to keep your home intact for the sake of your child. May Allah place harmony between you.
Allah knows best
Mufti Mirza-Zain Baig
And Allah Ta'ālā knows best.
Answered by
Mufti Mirza-Zain Baig
B.Ed, CSAA
Montréal, Canada · Canadian Centre for Islamic Research and Ifta
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