Question:
Assalamualaykum.
My husband and i did hijrah, 2009. He provided for me. He works as a charity director. Some years he received no funding, ths last year he received no funding. He spent whatever savings he had to move to UK and get a visa, we live at my mums.
He said he will continue to pay for our place in muslim country, while i must pay for everything here in UK. I gave birth to our children here this year, he helps me at night take care of the babies. in the day time he rests. I take care of children, homeschool our elder child, work and try to take care of my sick mothers house. I understand that the first year of a childs life can be very hard on the parents and its great reward.
To be honest i dont know how i have managed, but alhamdulillah, i am doing what i can. I asked my husband if he could get online work, or get local work, he said no company will give him a job where he can work for his charity 4 months a year. i cant even do khidmah of deen as much as i would like as i am very drained and my family are unabke to give me supprt. when i am with him in our place of hijrah he put lots of pressure to live with his family in usa, and i ended up being deported while pergnant, it has traumatised me, to the point that if i go do hijrah again im scared he broke my trust in him. i have been with him for 11 years but some of the choices he makes for his charity really affect our marriage. i expressed to my husband a few months back that if we do hijrah again it will only be after he secures his income, because he doesnt really make any effort towards retraining, getting a halal income etc. but yes besides that i am grateful for the contribution hes made to the marriage and raising our children he is a very good father, what should i do?
thank you
Answer:
In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister in Islam,
We commend you for your sacrifices and dedication in order to support yourself and your family. May Allah accept your sacrifices. Ameen.
Indeed, your effort is not in vain. Your Khidamt of your children and family is in itself a great Khidmat of Deen. Thiswill be a means of great reward for you in the hereafter. Verily, Rasulullah Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam has stated:
إِنَّالْمُسْلِمَإِذَاأَنْفَقَعَلَىأَهْلِهِنَفَقَةً،وَهُوَيَحْتَسِبُهَا،كَانَتْلَهُصَدَقَةً (صحيح البخاري: 1002)
Translation:“Without a doubt, when a Muslim spends money on one’s family while considering (the action as worship), it is an act of charity”
We take note of your husband’s attitude regarding earning an income. We also take note of the praiseworthy qualities of your husband. He did fulfill his responsibilities before. He takes care of the children. He is a good husband.
In Islam, it is the responsibility of the husband to work and provide for his family whilst the wife deals with the affairs of the home and the children. You are correct in stipulating the condition to your husband of acquiring a job before you make further Hijrah. Undeniably, you have also been through a lot in your past travels and Hijrah. Hijrah is not an easy step to take unless both the husband and wife mutually contribute towards their individual responsibilities and duties.
Sister, it is imperative that your husband be advised with regards to his attitude. He should be informed and made to understand his priorities and responsibilities. His responsibility towards his family takes great precedence and priority over his job as a charity director. It is his duty to provide for his family for the eight months that he is not serving as a charity director. He should be advised that spending on his family is a greater form of charity than what he is currently doing. You should appeal to your husband’s sense of responsibility and good conduct to at least make an effort to search for an income. Advise him that it does not help to be negative. Inspire him and create positivity in him. Look for ways to motivate him. Try and identify an influential and senior person in the family who will communicate your concerns and feelings to your husband. Discuss with appropriate people regarding ideas to earn an income. We are living in the world of Asbaab (means). Adopt those means and Allah will put Barakah.
In the meantime,we advise you to turn to Allah with Dua, Zikr and Salah. At the same time exercise patience and make your situation a reason to draw from the bounties of Allah Ta’ala and attain closeness to Allah Ta’ala.
